ELMO KEEP

Everyone I know is full of helpful warnings and advice before I leave Sydney, as though I were setting sail on the voyage of the damned: don’t ever go anywhere alone. Don’t accept drinks from strangers. Don’t get drunk on the deck. In fact, just don’t drink. Definitely don’t do any drugs. Don’t take anyone back to your room. Don’t give out your room number. Don’t catch a cab in the Bahamas unless you want to get stuck on the wrong side of the island. Don’t lose track of time off ship. Don’t look out your porthole, you’ll see the sea pitched at a 45 degree angle. Take anti-nausea medication with you. Tell people you’re married. Do you know any martial arts?

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The weird world of rock and roll themed cruises, the Hairpin. 

When Nick and I interviewed U2 fan/Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, it was so fun! 

I am awesome at playing Enter Sandman, a total gun.

On Guitar Hero.

Which doesn’t help me in my dream. I have anxiety dreams in the lead up to our interview with Lars Ulrich. In the dream I’m onstage with Metallica, they are tearing through Enter Sandman. The time comes for the guitar solo and the band all turn to me, and I realise they mean for me to play it. So I whip out the tiny plastic Guitar Hero guitar and tap wildly on the little plastic buttons and make a horrible, horrible noise. 20,000 people start booing me and the band all shake their heads and walk away, leaving me there alone. It’s a horrible dream.

OK, Right.